let's change all the light bulbs
by stars shine out
Summary: Because nobody understands hurt like victors. Because nobody understands loss like victors. Because nobody understands death like victors. \AU, Finnick/Annie, Katniss/Peeta, Finnick/Katniss, Peeta and Annie dead. \ Formerly called "Because"


**Summary: Because nobody understands hurt like victors. Because nobody understands loss like victors. Because nobody understands death like victors. *AU, Finnick/Annie, Katniss/Peeta, Finnick/Katniss, Peeta and Annie dead**

**AN: Not sure why I wrote this, but I felt like writing a weird coupling, and, well, Finnick/Katniss happened. This story is set during Mockingjay while Peeta and co are being held in the Capitol. It changes, of course, when they die. And as for the rebellion, I didn't feel like turning this into a multi chapter fic, so a vague description of what happened is somewhere in here.**

**Disclaimer: All things Hunger Games belongs to Suzanne Collins.**

Because

_Because nobody understands hurt like victors. Because nobody understands loss like victors. Because nobody understands death like victors. _

o

The news comes with the first snowfall. That he's gone. That's all she thinks of it as. Gone. She can't bring herself to believe he's dead. She can't even bring herself to accept that he's actually gone for good. She doesn't quite believe it.

The cherry blossoms are beginning to bloom when Katniss finally accepts it. When she accepts that Peeta is gone, gone forever. That Peeta is dead.

That she will never, ever see the boy with the bread again. That the Capitol killed him. He died before she could really, properly repay him.

But it's not till the blossoms are falling in early summer that she really, truly realizes that she loved him. Loved him with all her heart.

And he'll never know.

o

The news that came with the first snow fall shocked Finnick to the core. Annie was dead. Really, truly dead.

The final melting of the snow brings tears and realization. That she's not just in another episode, that she hasn't just fled to the happier meadows in her mind. That's she's indisputably gone, and that she won't be back. That she's dead.

But it's not till the first blossoms are falling that Finnick finds himself needed in a way only she used to need him.

o

Because that's when Katniss accepts the truth and Finnick knows exactly what she's going through. Finnick knows that he can be her shoulder to cry on, the one that he never had.

Because while others had tried to understand, only victorsreally understand hurt. Only victors really understand loss. Only victors really understand death the way Finnick and Katniss do.

Because when the news came, Haymitch had lapsed back into his drunken habits. Beetee was never the sentimental type. And Johanna was still at the Capitol, facing torture, humiliation and likely the same fate as Peeta and Annie.

Finnick had no one.

0

No one understands Katniss like Finnick does.

Prim tries, but she's too young. She's never seen death the way Katniss has. She's only seen the injured slip away in the presence of loved ones. She's never seen a child, gruesomely mutilated, die before her own eyes because of something she did.

Katniss's Mother tries, but she hasn't really seen death the way Katniss has. She hasn't seen the cruelty of the Capitol the way Katniss has. She can't imagine the many horrific ways Peeta died like Katniss can.

Haymitch would understand if he wasn't drunk, but he is. He always is.

And Gale tries. Gosh darn it, Gale tries. He tries harder than anyone else. But he can't understand hurt, he can't understand loss, he can't understand death the way victors do. He's never watched someone he killed die. His kills are only indirect; bombs set off by other people, and planes that go down without a glimpse of the pilot.

But Finnick understands. He'd understand even if he didn't try. He doesn't have to try. He's lived through exactly what she's living through.

Katniss has a shoulder to cry on. Katniss has Finnick.

o

The leaves are starting to fall now. The leaves are golden, they are butterscotch, they are maple syrup and mahogany. They are earthy yellow, they are tawny and they are bronze. They are saffron, sunglow and golden rod. They are amber, maize and jasmine. They are rusty, brick, and the reddest of chestnut. They are not brown, they are not dead, not yet, and that's what's keeping Katniss and Finnick going for now.

Katniss and Finnick are sitting out in the forest, near District 12, at the lake. It's there special place now. The place where no one will bother them. Where no one will interrupt their longing sighs, their wistful daydreams and their heartbroken tears.

They claim they're just friends. That their relationship is strictly platonic. But it's not, really. There's nothing romantic between them, not yet, but they hold each other close and watch the sunset. They walk hand in hand, and practically live together.

They're more than friends, on a spiritual level. They're the only ones who understand each other properly, and so they don't let anyone else in. No one else would fit anyways. Not even Johanna. Maybe that's because she let go a long time ago.

The rebellion is over, long over. The rebels didn't need their Mockingjay as much as they thought they did.

Paylor is president, has been ever since Coin was assassinated three days into her presidency, but Katniss and Finnick are quite done with politics, and they don't particularly care what happens, as long as no one else has to die.

o

With the first snow fall, comes the first anniversary of The Announcement, and it's a harder time for Finnick and Katniss than anybody else.

They're both trying to let go, but neither of them will ever truly relinquish their hold. Katniss will keep her pearl, and Finnick will keep a jabberjay feather, to remind him of the last time he heard Annie's voice; in the arena.

They do not celebrate the snow. They do not marvel at its beauty, nor do they wonder at its purity. They simply wish it away, because nothing will ever hurt them as much as the first snow fall did.

o

The snow is melting and the cherry blossoms are forming again, when the both feel something worth feeling again.

It hasn't got the magnitude of what they used to feel, not yet, but it's something that's not pain or sadness or guilt or just plain emptiness. It's a start, a spark, and that's enough.

o

The first blossoms are starting to fall when they admit that there's something more between them. It's only starts with squeezing each other's hands before letting go, and kissing each other on the cheek in both greeting and goodbyes. But they're both a bit too numb for any sort of real affection just yet, and slow seems to fit them fine.

They're both the sort to do things quickly, to make split second decisions, but this somehow deserves to be done slowly, and really, they just can't resist the opportunity to creep up on each other.

o

By the time the leaves begin to change, Katniss and Finnick are defiantly something more than friends. After all, what friends kiss each other, kiss each other properly goodnight?

They both know that by the time the snow starts falling again, it'll be two years since The Announcement, and that the fact that they're happy this time _is not_ shaming Peeta and Annie's memory.

All Peeta and Annie ever wanted for Katniss and Finnick was that they be happy, and maybe, just maybe, this is the very best way possible of celebrating them.

o

By the time the fourth year anniversary rolls around, Katniss and Finnick are engaged. Not officially. There's no ring, no announcement, not even a proper proposal. Just a mutual understanding that sometime soon, they'll head up to the Justice Building and sign some papers. Someone will sprinkle salt water in front of them as they walk home, hand in hand, and then they will perform a toasting.

It will be fairly spontaneous, they know that. As soon as the flask of sea water arrives from District 4, Katniss and Finnick can choose their wedding date.

It will be small. Mrs. Everdeen, and Prim will come, as will Haymitch, though he may be too drunk to even really notice what's going on. The Hawthorns will, of course, be invited, but Gale probably won't come. After all, he always thought he would be her first or second choice. Finnick made him her third choice.

But Finnick and Katniss will be happy. They'll be happy because what they have is love.

They're both shattered people, but together they somehow make a whole. They are somehow complete. And they're happy, so that's enough for them.


End file.
